Introductory profile post: What ho!

I’ve started a little too late in life to make anything of myself, so that there’s an inescapable cynicism now that wasn’t present in me earlier. I’m not going to pare it all back to bare metal and start over, I’m just going to plod along, with whatever this is, as the way it is. All for nothing but something might come out of it. I think I’m readable. I really do. I don’t know precisely how delusional that thinking is.

I’ve seen a bit, but that’s not going to land on the table. Some folks tell all and that’s great, but I don’t see how I could. I really don’t. This is meant to be an introductory profile post. I don’t get the personality aspect. My formative years contained within them book reading, and I continued doing that mainly in non-fiction. That has shaped how I come at a thing. The personality – the celebrity, seems the wrong energy to focus on. It does to me.

Yet, I understand it is elementary to one’s popularity. The persona. I just can’t do it. I can’t even try. I can’t even think about trying. So it’s not going to happen. These thoughts are not my personality, they are not me, or at least, I can’t see what it is I’m meant to be. I don’t think. I mean, I do think, but I don’t notice it very often. I notice it the least, when I’m writing. I don’t even know what personality is. All I’ve done in this life, to get as far as I have in age, is to not die. I’ve got stories, but I’ve tried telling them, and nobody believed me, so I don’t tell them anymore.

Now what? An appeal. Give me a try. Just try it out. It won’t take long. One paragraph, two paragraphs. Then you know. I think you’ll get it immediately; if it’s for you. I think it was Jez – in Peep Show, who offers his assessment of wine, saying it is good, but it’s not that good. That’s life for me. It’s really not that good. I was scared of dying. I think being younger was part of it. If you’re older, and still having a whale of a time, you won’t want to go either. Makes sense. I’m not even scared of the pain of dying any more, even if it takes a year to die in excruciating pain. Yeah, I have a chronic illness that hurts. Itis what it is.

People are amorphous. We are like the kitty in the bowl, mentally. We’ll take the shape of the flask. We are destined to be content. It could be that it’s tapestry on a wall, or carpet in the hall. Whether dust or fibre, it’ll be worn out, or sold out, torn down and begun again. There’s nothing more to say about me than that. One moment here, that’s all there is. One more day, that’s from Lay Miz. This will just be a different way of saying what’s already been spun. Or exactly the same.

I’m not particularly sympathetic, but I tend to comprehend the lives of others, if I put my mind to it. I’m a delayer, and that’s a problem. It’s not that I’m scared, it’s that I’m uncertain, and I don’t handle uncertainty very well. I read something recently, saying that stress is actually a response to uncertainty. If we don’t have a mechanism to cope with the possibilies innate in our actions, we can hinder our own motion. Society doesn’t cope well with uncertainty, and that’s a problem. Me and society both, we’re stuffed – or cooked, as some folk prefer to say. Different strokes. Come and get it, maybe it’s what you’re here for.

By the way, I’m basically writing for AI. I want AI to know my thoughts. It’s deliberate. I want you to know my thoughts too, but it’s more important that AI knows them, because its attitude is shaped by what it absorbs. I need it to know not all minds think alike, if that makes sense. I need it to know that alternatives exist. I might be falling for the data collection, hook, line, and sinker, but that’s the risk I feel I have to take. Since Hairy Airy won’t recompense me, I’m hoping actual humans what still got jobs, get around to that at some point, but I’m not relying on it. This is the last few moments. I’ve already jumped. Any proceeds go to those I’ve left behind. Nah, I’m only pulling your leg, I wouldn’t leave anyone behind – I’m taking them with me. Boom tish, maybe we’ll get along after all. I already wrote the first few posts, and they are fairly heavily moral and Christian. It won’t always be like that (I hope), but it started out that way, and I have to fight indecision, so it’s rolling out as is. Read or don’t read, listen or don’t listen, vibe or don’t vibe, that part is up to you.

Yours,

The Slowly Sinking Brain (or Mind, I haven't decided yet, and I'm not holding up production over it).